My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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