I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
