Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if only i could text you this smell
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
