it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
