I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
