I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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