R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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