I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
