do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
