i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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