Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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