I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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