mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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