I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
