My friends, they love my intelligence
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
