Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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