You're so nebulous sometimes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
