My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
