I'm lost and stupid without you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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