OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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