That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
