Just fell off a train. Bad.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
