Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
