Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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