And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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