Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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