Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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