frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
