i think my mom watched the whole time
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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