JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
