i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
