I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
