I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
