Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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