Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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