btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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