he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
