I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
