i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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