Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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