he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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