thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
