UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
