At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize