i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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