the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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