I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
