Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
