I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its not stalking. its research.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
