paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
