Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
