I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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