I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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