I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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