i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
