Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
