went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
