He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
