Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
