I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
