I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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