I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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