dude i'm inner monologue high
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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