Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
