Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
