i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
