The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
