Banned from zoo.
Again?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
