Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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