Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
