I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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