saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
