Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
