Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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