im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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