Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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