At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
