My hand turned me down
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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