im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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